The Crisis of Lost Free Time by Eli Rumpf

Mr./Ms. Presidents: Henry Gales/Carol Brown/Andrew Kennard,

No man thinks more highly of the work ethic, as well as the teaching skills, of the very worthy Ms. Fried. But different people often see the same subject in different lights; and therefore, I hope that it will not be thought rude to the aforementioned teacher, if, entertaining opinions of a character very opposite to hers, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The issue before the students is one of free time or slavery, and thus the magnitude of the subject ought to be in proportion to the openness of the debate. As for me, if I were to keep my mouth zipped shut, I would consider myself guilty of not only treason to classroom 407, but of a complete abandonment of the ideals of teenagers across America.
Mr. and Ms. Presidents, it is the natural progression of teenagers to cower at the mercy of their unrelenting teachers, but that is not the way of wise upperclassmen. It is a teen’s natural inclination to accept the bundles of homework that weigh down on their backs as unavoidable, an enemy to fight but never defeat. As for me, I have seen the light of free time, and I refuse to go back. I for one choose to face the homework head on, and smite it!
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging the future except by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know of what weekend in the past month we, the faithful students, have not been hit by an oppressive essay assignment? Is it that one due date three weeks ago that Ms. Fried moved back a day? Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious response of our concerns corresponds to the ever approaching novel we will be forced to read. Has a teacher ever given her class a novel to read without immediately following it with an essay and a test? Are huge assignments necessary for our learning? Have we shown ourselves so incapable of understanding the concepts taught during class that Ms. Fried is saving us by throwing a huge home workload on our already worn out shoulders? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir/madam. These are the actions that induce all-nighters and class averages of 60% on tests: the last arguments to which LA teachers resort.
I ask, Gales/Brown/Kennardians, what is the meaning of this mounting array of homework assignments, if its purpose is not to force us into submission? Does Ms. Fried expect the homework to be no trouble for us, and therefore beneficial? No, she has been with us for five weeks, and knows our capabilities. The homework is meant to be a pain in the butt. It is meant to bind and wrap about our free time those chains to which the public school system has been so long forging. And what have we to oppose the teachers? Shall we try argument? Sir/Madam, we have been trying that since kindergarten. All we have received are referrals to the ominous Dr. Casey or similar intimidating administrators at other schools. Have we given homework a chance, and do we have any new angles on which to view homework? Homework has indeed been given more than a chance, and we are exhausted as to new ways to approach or view homework. All has been in vain! We have procrastinated; we have replicated; we have incinerated (our homework); we have remonstrated; and all in the effort of arresting the merciless offenses of our teachers! But all we are now is exasperated. Our procrastination has only made us stay up later; by cheating our grades make little upward movement, and the punishment remains too steep; incineration is just dumb; and teachers has responded to our remonstrations by ignoring and silencing us. If we mean to preserve those inestimable privileges for which we have so long been striving- if we mean to not basely abandon the struggle for free time for which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until glorious free time shall be obtained, we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms is all that is left us!
She tells us, sir/madam, that we are weak; unable to cope with learning one ounce less. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be next week, or next year? Will it be when we have to read 50 pages a night and write an essay a week while preparing for AP tests? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs, and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our language arts class shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir/Madam, we are not weak if we unite! Thirty peoples, armed in the holy cause of free time, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just Mr. Lovre who presides over the destinies of classrooms; and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. No matter what, we must fight! We have no choice. The chains of homework are already latched around our small vestiges of free time. The war is inevitable-and let it come! I repeat it, sir/madam, let it come!


Ps-No hard feelings, Ms. Fried. Just kidding.