"The Declaration Of Bully Resistance" by Cecelia Johnson

The Declaration Of Bully Resistance

We the geeks of this country have assembled here today in my mothers basement in regards to the bullies of America, and the rights we have in this education facility that they call a playground and school. We are entitled to six hours of learning and a brief refueling period for our bodies. It has become necessary for our people to hide in the sight of one such a bully in the libraries and computer labs.
We hold these computers to be efficient: that all programs are created equal; that they are endowed by their creator with inherent and awesome mega-bites; that among these are life, technology, and the pursuit of techno-bliss. Whenever one bully has injured one of our brethren, we hold such power and right to tell a teacher and wait for said bully to be suspended or severely punished, and we shall not hide around corners and in libraries to escape the anger of one such beast. We will walk down these hallways proud and tall with our pocket protectors and calculators along our side.
We will not stand for any negative or abusive acts upon us, and those that do attempt to attack any one geek inside these walls will be expunged by our great lordship who king of the chess club. We shall hold no mercy in defeating your own in the deadliest game ever played. One so deadly you will have regretted moving your queen to take my knight, when my pawn will take your queen. We shall not wait for the teachers any longer to stop this madness: stolen lunch money, broken glasses, ultimate wedgies, and swirlies. In every stage of these oppressions we have suggested for rest in the most humble terms: our defeated suggestions have been answered only by repeated swirlies.
We, the geeks of America, have brought this to your attention so that you can be aware of the many attacks that occur in our learning facilities. We therefore, the representatives of the United Geeks of America do in the name and by the majority of the kids of the playground do announce that all meanness and rejection onto us will result in the unification of the geeks of America, giving the right to study, research, and correct other’s English if needed.
And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our hard-drives, our protection, and our superfluous honor.